What can you do? Guidance and documents to download
We believe that people can change. It will take a lot of hard work but it can happen. As long as you take full responsibility of your actions and you commit yourself to changing, it can happen with the right kind of help.
What you can do
1. Talk about it
You can start by calling the Respect Phoneline on 0845 122 8609. We can discuss what's been happening and help you understand your situation better. We can also tell you what help is available. Our helpline is confidential and anonymous - you can download our Confidentiality Policy here
We are open Monday - Friday 10am - 1pm and 2pm - 5pm.
You can leave a message when the lines are busy or closed and we will call you back within two working days. You can also email us if you prefer: info@respectphoneline.org.uk
2. Manage the risk - short-term solution
As a short-term solution you can read the leaflet below. It can help you understand how you get wound-up and how you can decide to walk out before it's too late, before you become violent. Remember, this is only a short-term solution and it is entirely your responsibility to behave in a non-abusive, non-violent way. Download Spot the warning signs, take a 'Time-Out'
You can also download our Managing Jealousy leaflet.
3. Manage the risk - long-term help
The best kind of help you can get is to join a specialist behaviour-change programme. These programmes are generally called 'domestic violence perpetrator programmes'. They are designed to help men understand and change their abusive/violent behaviours and develop respectful, non-abusive relationships. They work in small groups of men who have been abusive and/or violent and they want to change. Unfortunately, these programmes are not available everywhere, you can call the Respect Phoneline on 0845 122 8609 to find out if there is one in your area.
4. Find out more
If you enjoy reading you might want to get hold of these books:
'From Fear to Freedom: Masculinity, Control and
Change: A Workbook for Men' by Dave Morran
(Editor), Venture Press, 2009, ISBN 1861780826
‘Violent No More' by Michael Paymar, Hunter House Publishers, 2000, ISBN 0897932684
‘Man to Man: A Guide for Men in Abusive Relationships' by Edward W. Gondolf and David M. Russell, Sulzburger & Graham Pub Co, ISBN 0945819617 or you can download it here
5. Download our booklet
The information we have put together for you on this website is available in one booklet, you can download it for free:
