How we help domestic violence perpetrators
Who is the helpline for?
We work with male or female domestic violence perpetrators in heterosexual or same-sex relationships.
Who calls the Respect Phoneline?
The majority of calls we get are from men in heterosexual relationships who abuse their partners and need help. We also get calls from women who abuse their partners and from people who abuse their partners in same-sex relationships. We welcome calls from frontline workers.
We provide information on domestic violence perpetrator programmes as well as advice on working safely with perpetrators.
How do we help domestic violence perpetrators?
The Respect Phoneline helps domestic violence perpetrators by providing:
- Encouragement and motivation to get help and stop using violent and abusive behaviours
- Clear, unequivocal messages about domestic violence
- Contact details about local domestic violence perpetrator programmes
Working with domestic violence perpetrators on the Respect Phoneline
We:
- Discuss their abusive behaviours focusing on the processes that led to the abuse and exploring non-abusive alternatives
- Explain that they have choices and are 100% responsible for their abusive and violent behaviours
- Try to increase their empathy towards their partner (and children) who has suffered the abuse
- Send them printed materials designed to enhance their understanding of domestic violence and motivate them to access specialist help
- Encourage them to join a domestic violence perpetrator programme
We do not undertake long-term phone work or counselling. We do not recommend anger management classes, couples counselling, individual counselling or mediation as these interventions are not appropriate for domestic violence perpetrators.
Working with victims and concerned friends or family members looking for help for an abuser
The Respect Phoneline welcomes calls from partners and ex-partners of perpetrators, friends and relatives. We:
- Encourage them to have realistic expectations about the likelihood of perpetrators changing their behaviour
- Encourage them to get support for themselves and signpost them to the national domestic violence helplines
- Explain how domestic violence perpetrator programmes work, what's involved, what's best practice and how they are different from anger management courses.
