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Female domestic violence perpetrators

Help for women abusing their partners

 'I ended up kicking him when he was in bed because of something he said'

'My situation is that I yell at my husband a lot...I yell a lot!'

'I'm furious when she flirts with other woman and I lash out at her'

Do you recognise yourself in any of these? Is your behaviour towards your partner costing you your relationship?

Women using violence and abuse towards their partners

The Respect Phoneline is available for women who use violence and abuse towards their partners and are looking for help to stop.

Asking for help for violence and abuse

It can be tough facing up to difficult problems. We can help you make the changes you need, so that you are safe around your partner and children. Changing abusive behaviours is a long and difficult process. This website can go as far as making you aware of some aspects of the problem.

What is abuse?

Abuse is something that is said or done that hurts another person physically, emotionally, sexually or mentally. Domestic violence is a number of abusive behaviours, both physical and non-physical, that may occur frequently or infrequently.  In most cases there is pattern of abuse.

→Call us and we'll help you understand your own pattern of violence and abuse.

Why does abuse happen?

Abuse doesn't just happen. Rather than being about loss of control, as a lot of people think, most of the time it's about you trying to be in control.

→Call us and we'll help you understand how your violence and abuse is about you trying to be in control.

Effects of your abuse

It's important to face up to how your behaviour affects your partner and your children. The more you can understand what your behaviour is like for others, the harder it will be to behave badly towards them in future.

→How would you feel if someone treated you the way you've treated your partner?

What can you do? What help is available?

Talk about it

A problem shared is a problem halved.

→Call the Respect Phoneline and our advisors will listen to you and help you.

Your call is anonymous and confidential.

Understand and try to change

As a short-term solution you can read the following documents:

Women in heterosexual relationships

We have published a booklet to help women understand their situation better and, hopefully, make some changes towards a safer relationship. This booklet can be downloaded here. You can also download our Managing Jealousy leaflet.

Women in same-sex relationships

We have produced a brief booklet for women in same-sex relationships who have been violent/abusive and need help. It can be downloaded here. You can also download our Managing Jealousy leaflet.

→Call the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040 to discuss your situation.