Effects of your abuse on children
You may have children of your own or be a stepfather to your partner's
children. Think about all of the children who might be affected by your abuse.
A lot of people kid themselves that children aren't really aware of the
domestic violence that is going on in their family. But studies show that in
most cases when domestic violence takes place the children are in the same or
next room.
Some of the ways children might be exposed to your abuse
Hearing or seeing the violence and abuse, being woken up or kept awake by
your arguing, intervening - trying to protect their brothers / sisters /
mother, getting hurt trying to intervene, or by getting caught up in the
violence
Seeing bruises or smashed furniture the next day, being brought into arguments
- being used to ridicule or humiliate their mother, being used to divide
loyalties, or to hold back or pass on information
between you, being forced to take part in or to witness the violence and abuse,
knowing their mother is distressed, depressed, angry, sulking or jumpy
afterwards
Being isolated from grandparents or mum's friends, experiencing direct
violence, experiencing unpredictable behaviour from one or both of their
parents, experiencing neglect from one or both of their parents, being told to leave
the house or stay out to avoid the violence
Knowing they must be different when you are around to avoid
"triggering" the violence, knowing that your violence is the thing to
fear - 'Just wait till your father gets home'
Knowing that their mum is tired and worn out and doesn't have the energy for
them , knowing that this is something that mustn't be talked about at any cost,
especially outside, having to keep the violence a secret
Knowing that some of the arguments are about them
Having to leave temporarily or permanently for mum's and their own safety,
having to stay in a refuge
Having to see you in a contact centre
Being made subject of child protection investigations or court proceedings
Being teased or otherwise stigmatised by other children who know about the
violence
Having to comfort mum afterwards
Having to call the police or get help
You may not realise the devastating effect that violence and abuse has on
children. Even if your children haven't seen you be violent or abusive, it is
almost certain that they will have overheard things. Imagine how terrifying it
is to hear your mother being abused, not to know how it will end and not to be
able to stop it.
Increasingly studies have shown that children suffer long-term harm if they
live with violence and abuse at home, even if the abuse isn't directed at them.
Some of the effects include:
Physical effects of domestic abuse on children
Being physically hurt in the ‘cross-fire', having injuries, sleep deprivation, loss of concentration, bed-wetting, developing eating disorders, having panic attacks, stress and tension
Emotional effects of domestic abuse on children
Fear, anger, distrust, anxiety, low self-esteem, loss of childhood, psychological problems
Effects of secrecy and stigmatisation
Withdrawal, losing friends, isolation, losing contact with family
Effects on behaviour of children exposed to domestic abuse
Models him/herself on your violent behaviour, becomes violent to their mum,
bullies other children, expects / accepts abuse - is bullied at school, steals
or breaks the law in other ways, drinks alcohol, takes drugs, gets into trouble,
does poorly in school work, misses time from school
Did you witness or overhear your mother being abused?
Or can you imagine how you would have felt?
